I've been living in the apartment since Aug 1, 2021. So 11 months now? I'm not sure the exact date was that Terry and I started hanging out, I think it was Sept, mid month maybe. Now that I know his birthday is Sept 13, it would be amusing if I reached out on his birthday.
It all started with bread.
I wanted to make friends in the building, I was feeling lonely. There was a guy in each apartment around me, I had a general idea who was in what apartment. But I had to reach out first and hope for a connection. Oh by the way, I'm incredibly shy.
I enjoy baking bread, so I baked several loaves, and attempted to make a connection by knocking on a neighbour's door. Except my knocking is very quiet and no one answered, so I chickened out and simply hung the bread on the door knob, with a note saying who it's from. And waited. And waited.
The next morning, when I left for work, there was a bag of pistachios hanging from my door knob with a note thanking me for the bread, and would I like to come over for coffee or dinner, with an included name and phone number.
We had coffee and dinner that night, and hit it off immediately. However, I was fresh from an ended relationship and had no business dating. And he was depressed and self sabotaging. We dated for maybe six weeks and it was a failure. We still liked each other, but it wasn't working.
A few months later we met again for coffee, and set aside our differences. No hard feelings, we can just be friends. It was great, and lasted for a number of months. I really enjoyed his company. And his hugs are the best. But I wanted a romantic relationship, so I started up on dating sites and chatting with men. I had a few dates. Terry became my confidante, someone to talk to about my personal life. What I didn't realise was that while I was developing a love for him, he was also developing a love for me. And hearing about me dating made him realise that I was ready for a romantic relationship. And he was ready to have that with me.
On Saturday, June 18, Terry invited me over for coffee to celebrate his graduation from Journeyman Electrician. He had won picnic gift basket at a golf tourney and wanted to share it with me. There was two bottles of wine, a pinot noir and a white. He really wanted to try the red, so we got into it. We both got a bit tipsy. The conversation steered towards drunk people saying "I love you", and somehow he said "I love you Alisa". I thought it was the wine talking, but smiled because it sounded nice. He said it again later during sex. The next day it came up in conversation and I asked him, jokingly, if it was the wine talking last night. He got nervous and awkward, but didn't deny it. I guess I should have said it back then, but I didn't process the awkwardness as a "yes I meant it" until later that night. So I texted "I love you too" the next day.
ack I'm so socially awkward. I do love him, I've known I've loved him for a couple months now. I hope it works this time. I'm ready for a relationship, and he's in a much better headspace. His daughter is up visiting for the week, so I won't get to see much of him this week I'm assuming. Terrible timing in light of the wine confessions lol.
As for the insecurity, I'm trying to convince myself that he said it first and didn't take it back so he means it. Only time will tell. I'm trying not to overthink and turn myself into a stressed out mess. I'm scared it won't work again. I'm scared he will break my heart.
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