Hmm, what to talk about today. The brain gremlins were really bad last night. I was crying really hard, and thought about self harm and suicide. It scared me pretty good. All the crying seems to have released the worst of the negative emotions and self hate. Today I felt empty and mellow, but not negative.

It was Mamisa's last day at work today. Very few people knew about it, myself not included. We had a small cake, but she had called in as she isn't good at goodbyes. I understand and respect that. I can't do goodbyes either. Darlene's last day was on tuesday, we also had 2 big cakes for her. The poor soul tried to do a short speech in front of all the workers without crying. Yikes, when its my time to go, I'll follow Mamisa's example and call in on the last day.

I still haven't heard from Terry, today I feel meh about it. He's busy. Or he used me to get what he wants. Who knows, it could go either way. Only time will tell. I'm still hopeful, but there's a strong taste of bitterness to it.

I have an afghan going, a corner-to-corner. Purple self-striping to get it started, and now I've switched to black to get the purple to last longer. Might do grey and white too.

Also started a pair of socks in grey Regia, double knitting style. Not sure how I'll do the heel. The hybrid mini flap and short row heel fits really weird so I doubt I'll do that again.

Last sunday Terry asked me to help him clean his apartment for his daughter's arrival. Instead of actually helping, he went and got groceries. I cleaned for 2 hours (ish?) Idk, I wasn't keeping track. Maybe it was 3. He paid me $100, which is nice, but I'd prefer to clean together. Maybe he wanted to get out of my hair. I wasn't impressed when he said he'd be right back and then an hour later he's back with grocery bags from 3 stores. He packed up his laundry to take to the laundromat, as the ones downstairs were full. He was sad that I wouldn't come with him. I needed to eat really bad, I was upset that he didn't help with cleaning, and my arms were jelly at that point. He wanted to go for lunch together and spend more time together, but his daughter would have been arriving right away and he needed to focus on getting his laundry done. 

Really I'm being to harsh on the guy. He got back from polytech Saturday, spent time with me on saturday, which left sunday to get ready for her. He was gone all week for polytech for the last 3 months, with weekends dedicated to studying and sleeping. When was he supposed to have time to prep for her exactly. 

Anyways, my arms have been sore from the cleaning, and this week has been a lot of heavy lifting and repetitive motions for hours so my tendonitis is flared up in my left arm. The same one I sprained 2 years ago and hasn't been the same since. Had a soak and muscle rub today, I'll put more muscle rub on before bed. That should help with the worst of it. 

Also there was a wee deer fawn in the flower bed outside the front door of the building this afternoon. I wouldn't have noticed if Youngest hadn't seen it and pointed it out. I took a pic.